


Coffee for Breakfast

by SugaryMystery



Series: OkCryptid Collab [3]
Category: OkCryptid - Fandom, exophilia - Fandom, exophilia writing - Fandom
Genre: Apathy, Depression, Heart Attacks, M/M, Unhealthy Habbits, heart issues, mlm, unhealthy lifestyle
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-10
Updated: 2019-02-10
Packaged: 2021-03-03 05:33:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 17,403
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24209761
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SugaryMystery/pseuds/SugaryMystery
Summary: To get out of bed is a struggle itself, to be able to face more than one people at the time is other, Ash can only feel at peace when he sits in front of his laptop and starts writing knowing he doesn't have to censure himself at any point. But thanks to an unexpected accident, followed by many coincidences, he meets someone who makes him feel better.But is that enough to put all his issues and trauma aside in order to seek more with this person? To ignore the always present red flags filling his head? Only he knows how bitter he can truly be.
Relationships: Human x Monster, human x rakshasa, male character x male rakshasa, male human x male caracal rakshasa, male human x male rakshasa
Series: OkCryptid Collab [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1291262
Kudos: 4
Collections: OKCryptid App





	1. Subway

*tic*, *tac*, *tic*, *tac*.

The rhythm of the clock seems to be going at the same speed as my heartbeat. I lay in bed while I tried to focus my sight, the first thing I see in the ceiling is the same ugly lamp of my apartment. I haven’t change the lightbulbs in three months, I don’t need much light in my room beside the one from my laptop. I look at my phone; 6 am, meaning I’ve been awake for two hours. I try to get out of bed but my body feels heavy, my mouth is dry and my throat tightens every time I try to breathe.

I have days like this, but there are others where I can jump out of bed like a gazelle and run with energy the entire day, it all depends on many other factors. Today seems to be one of the worst; almost as my entire body has been dipped in concrete and left to dry in the sun.

I forgot to open my window last night, my room is cover in darkness thanks to the thick curtains I bought last year. When I was little I use to be afraid of darkness, look at me now, hiding in it like a cockroach. I leave them like that, happy with the little light that comes from the sides.

 _‘I could call Aaron and tell him I need to go to the doctor for some stupid reason, any excuse would work. I could stay in bed instead of going out, I could rest for a little longer and eat what’s on the fridge. I could-’_ my thoughts are interrupted by a phone call, it’s Aaron. How convenient.

‘’Hello?’’ I speak.

‘’Are you alive? Did I wake you up?’’Aaron's voice sounds cheerier than usual, something good must have happened to him.

‘’I haven’t sleep. I don’t even remember falling asleep last night’’

‘’Do you need to rest? We can move the meeting to tomorrow if you want to’’

I stay silent for a second. I have the green light to stay and do nothing more than surviving for the rest of the day. I could clean this mess of a room if I want to feel productive or go to buy those damn lightbulbs… I could do that. I could say _yes_ and go back to try to sleep. I could-

‘’Hello? You still there?’’ Aaron asks.

‘’Yes, I'm right here. I just need a hot shower and a good cup of coffee to wake up, don’t worry about it. I'll meet you at the cafe I told you about, it' been a while’’

Curse my pride. I could actually rest, I didn’t even need to make an excuse but it weights me that I may sound weak. To whom, to Aaron? To the world? It doesn’t matter who, it’s just another of my excuses to keep fooling around with my mental health. It’s funny how self-aware I am of my condition and yet I keep finding excuses to avoid doing something helpful about it.

‘’Okay. See you at 10:30 then. Hopefully, you’ll get better, bye’’ and he hangs out.

I sigh, my chest feels a little less heavy after talking so it's easier to breathe now. I grab my pills from my nightstand, I take four from different flasks and walk to the kitchen for a soda. Some part of me wants to keep believing that taking them will make a difference, I always laugh at the thought but I'm no doctor to deny myself at least some sort of treatment. I deserve credit today for actually take them, I hate doing this so much I always forgot about it, plus the pills taste awful so I can’t drink them with water,

I take a quick look at my fridge and find out there’s only a jar of pickles and half of a stick of butter. I hear the grumble of my guts, guess I’ll have to get out and buy food if I do not wish to starve to death. It’s been a while since I’ve sat down and enjoyed a proper home meal, I miss my mother’s food but the ticket for the bus to visit her is too expensive to go there. Still, it'd be nice to visit her sometime soon. 

The hot water feels comforting and relaxing in my tense muscles, I don’t want to leave the shower but I’m a stingy young man so I don’t get to enjoy it much. I grab the clothes from the _clean pile_ on the floor and get ready, the sky is cover in grey clouds so better put my scarf on too. I grab my bag with my laptop, my top-secret notebook, and a little cash for food. I’ll have to think about buying groceries one of these days, maybe tomorrow if I’m out of work earlier, maybe two days from now... maybe next week.

The subway makes its arrival as loud as possible, even with my headphones on I’m able to hear the metallic wheels against the rails like scratching a school board with a fork, alongside the signal that the doors are about to open. The people in front of me get closer to the doors while the ones behind me try to push me without touching me. Once I’m in it, I waste no time on closing my eyes and let myself enjoy this short time where I can drown in the music without worrying about nobody else. I don’t have a playlist, I just choose whatever I’m in the mood for as I pay semi-attention to the stations and the people getting in and out.

My alarm rings and I pull my phone out to shut it, angry at it for disrupting me. I catch a glance around me after playing the next song, the wagon is surprisingly almost empty. Maybe some people get out at the same station? Weird.

To my luck, most of the seats are empty now. I was going to sit in one of them when I hear a loud laugh coming in front of me followed by a thud sound. In front of me was a small rakshasa with long pointed ears laying on the ground. He was carrying a heavy box with what seemed to be, clothes? I’m not entirely sure.

I can still hear laughing. An old guy, wearing a shirt full of motor grease, it seemed, has his foot extended. _He made him tripped_. The rakshasa gently rubbed his nose in pain, he must have hit it against the box. He looked like he wanted to cry.

The big guy only laughs louder but when he attempts to stand up and come towards him I kneel in front of him and grab the box, putting it in one of the seats. I help him stand up and I sat him beside me, offering him a paper tissue. The old man sits back and crosses his arms.

‘’Don’t you know you’re not supposed to pick up trash, kid?’’ the guy asks me. ‘’Don’t even waste your time looking at that thing’’

I turn to see his smug face, this is clearly amusing to him. People like him use to be invisible to me, even as something to be scared of. But today I’m won't be following this shit show, neither am I going to just stand and watch.

‘’I’m looking at you and I wonder, what does trash as you do in a subway anyways?’’

‘’WHAT?!’’ the old man yells at me and tries to stand up. I hear the signal for the arrival of the station so I instinctively put a hand on top of the box so it doesn’t fall and grabbed the hand of the guy beside me. The subways often stop out of nowhere when they don't have many people in them, making them fall due to the slippery plastic floor. In front of us, the man rolls over from one end of the wagon to the other, hitting his head with the seats on the other side. He lays there, mumbling and cursing under his breath.

The rakshasa beside me giggles at the view and so do I alongside the few other people in the wagon. He keeps a hold of my hand, his palm feels leathery, soft, and very warm in contrast to my always cold skin.

‘’Are you alright?’’ I ask.

 _Of course he’s not alright! He just fell in a sub thanks to a jackass who laughed and humiliate him. Why do I always ask the dumbest questions?!_ I yell at myself, my face not really showing the conflict in my mind thankfully

‘’I’m okay’’ he smiles at me and points to his nose. ‘’It hurts a little but I think I’ll survive for today’’ he jokes. His grip on my hand tightens, he doesn't seem to notice the roughness of my dry skin. ‘’Thank you…’’ he murmurs. ‘’I- I don’t know how to handle these kinds of situations. This is the first time something like this happens to me in such a public space’’

‘’Bad luck, I guess. But you don’t need to thank me. I was doing what most people should have done, and to be honest, I also can’t stand situations like this’’. I clench my free hand until my knuckles go white, my face might not show much but my body knows how to match my emotions.

‘’Are you some sort of white knight of justice?’’ he asks me in a playful tone. He’s smiling at me showing me his fangs, they’re not as big as a lion or panther so I don’t feel threatened by them. I manage to put up a smile for him, releasing the grip of my hand.

‘’I wouldn’t call myself that. I just have a huge issue with people like them, I think it runs in my family’’ I clarify. ‘’It just makes no sense to me that in all these years of _supposed improvement_ we still see occasions like this occurring in our day to day life. The fact that we can’t have stable relationships, and we are not only talking about fraternization but acceptance and universal respect, is proof of how shallow we can be! We hide under the façade of growing as modern members of our society, but behind it, there’s nothing but hypocrisy and dishonesty. The only way to stop this virus-like mentality is to act at the moment instead of just acknowledge the issue and do nothing about it. We need to stop proposing ideas or planning new projects instead of actually do-‘’ I stop myself when I realize I’ve been talking nonstop. Probably a little too loud.

I turn to see the rakshasa guy looking at me with wide eyes, his mouth slightly open and his long ears are up and attentive.

‘’Sorry… I lost myself when I talk about this kind of theme. I understand everyone has a different opinion-’’.

‘’No! Please keep talking'' they say almost as loudly as I was being. ''You sound like someone I know’’ 

‘’Huh?’’ Before I could really continue the sub announces the station I’m supposed to get down in. ‘’Shit! This is my stop, sorry’’ I quickly grab my bag and exit the wagon, but to my surprise, the guy follows me out of the sub to the empty station. I look at him and he smiles at me awkwardly.

‘’I needed to get out here too. I’m not following you, I swear’’ he says almost guilty.

The people that are walking around us don’t seem to exist at all. Weird, I often try to run to the stairs as soon as possible since I can’t tolerate crowds, and this space is way too small making me feel out of air. I feel as if I listened to my music but I’m not wearing my headphones anymore; I'm not paying real attention to the people around me but a specific object, or in this case, person. Why do I feel the same effect? He tilted his head and looked at me with a puzzled look. I must have stared at him for too long.

‘’Need help with that’’ I ask while pointing to the box in his arms. I don’t wait for him to answer me and instead, I grabbed it and started walking towards the stairs. I'm not strong, in fact, I'm a total wimp with more skin than body mass, however, the box isn't heavy at all. I turn to look at him. ‘’it’s okay, I don’t have anything to do until a few hours. I'll tag along if that's kay with you’’

He gives me a small nod and walks beside me. His body language seems to be much more explicit than mine; the movement of his tail, how his short fur would fluff, the movement of his ears, even his whiskers seemed to have their own rhythm. He was saying so much without having to open his mouth or even look at me. He doesn’t say anything until we reach the park near the center. I ask him where should we go and he points to the left.

I let out a chuckle. ‘’Funny. I was going to the same way’’ I mention.

We keep walking but no one talks. Maybe he’s trying to be thoughtful? Now that I can look at him better, he doesn’t look so strong either. He’s just ten, maybe twelve centimeters bigger than an ocelot if I don’t count his ears, and thanks to his fitting clothes I can see he doesn't have much muscle either. I once thought all Rakshasi were jacked and muscular until I met ocelot rakshasas. I guess stereotypes always prove to be useless. 

‘’It’s over here’’ he says and we stop in front of a coffee shop. And even more surprisingly enough is the same coffee shop I said I'd be meeting Aaron this morning. I've known this little place since I started college, and before I recluse myself in my room I use to bring my laptop here and work until they closed the place. But now, somehow it feels different but maybe it' because of the small sing in the door reads CLOSE and how the curtains inside are shut down. I use to remember it always open and full of people; a reminder that I use to have a _normal_ routine.

‘’Okay'' I let out a loud sigh. ''This is much of a coincidence, I’m actually a little scared’’ I say and the rakshasa beside me chuckles.

‘’I can let you inside if you want’’ he offers.

‘’Are you sure? Wouldn’t that get you in some sort of trouble if you do that?’’

He shakes his head. ‘’Not at all, as long as I do my job well. But it would take me a little while since I need to start the pots and ovens first. I also want to thank your help’’ His ears twitch in excitement, bending a little when he speaks. He opens the door with a set of keys and keeps it open for me.

‘’Well…’’ I scratch the back of my neck as I weight my possibilities. I look up at the sky, it’s greyer than before and the air feels colder.

‘’It’s cold outside and it’s possible that it starts to rain at any minute’’ He grabs the hem of my jacket and gently pulls me inside, my body feels so light as if he could throw me on top of any of the tables like a dirty old rag. Is he actually strong or I wight less than I thought?

Inside it’s a little darker but as soon as we enter he opens the curtains and turns on the lights, it looks brighter than I remember. It gives me a chance to notice there are some new decorations, wallpaper, and even new furniture. The scent of coffee is all over the place despite always present.

‘’Please, take a seat wherever you want and I’ll get you a cup of something as soon as I can’’ he tells me with a huge smile. The kind of smile someone who’s starting his day would like to see when they get their coffee. ‘’What would you like?’’

‘’An expresso would be enough. Better start the day strong’’

I take a sit in a table not so far from the counter so I can keep talking to him. This place not only looks different but also feels totally different for some reason, I don’t remember it had that many plants around or that the lamps were of a warmer light. Wait a minute… now that I think about it.

‘’You’re new right?'' the question came out of nowhere. ''I use to come here before but I don't remember seeing you before. It's been a while since I've been here though, maybe they hired new people?'' I try to explain myself.

‘’I’ve been working here for a month now, along with another few new employees’’ While he’s talking he doesn’t stop filling pots, taking out cups, and pressing a lot of buttons here and there. ‘’The owner before sold this place to our new boss who kept it as a coffee shop but changed it and hired new staff. I’m grateful though, it isn’t much but it pays the bills and rent well’’

I keep looking at him, taking my time to admire him doing his job. It’s just simple and ordinary stuff, and yet, he makes it look as if he were directing an orchestra. I can hear the tic-tac of the clock on the other wall but it doesn’t bother me, I’m too focus looking at his form. He also seems to only be focused on what he’s doing despite having me looking at him all the time. I envy him, I get nervous easily if I know someone is watching me, that's the reason why I stopped coming to the coffee shop when I needed to work.

I only go back to reality when I hear the sound of the plate hitting the table. He puts a small cup of coffee in front of me with two cookies on the side and a small shot glass with carbonated water. He takes the opposite seat with a matching cup of coffee with cream.

‘’Oh! I haven’t introduced myself yet… how rude of me’’ he stretches his hand for me to shake. ‘’I’m Rusty. A big pleasure’’

‘’Ash. A pleasure to me as well’’. We shake hands and I take a small sip of my coffee. It’s bitter and super strong, I already feel the caffeine flowing through my veins. It’s perfect!

‘’I need to wait until the manager shows up, and since I already finished with the pots, I can make you company… If you want’’ his ears drop a little when he says those words.

Everyone who knows me well enough will tell you that I value my alone time more than anything and that I have a tendency to hide in the corner of public places to avoid talking to anybody _IF_ I ever come out. But maybe because we are the only ones in here and I know is still too early until my meeting but I feel like I could let him enter my bubble for a while.

‘’I would appreciate that very much’’

He starts the conversation, thankfully, speaking about all the different ways of making coffee, the ratio of milk and cream some need, and the perfect pastries, desserts, and sandwiches to accompany them. I just keep drinking my coffee while I listen to him, never I would think coffee could be so interesting before, but the way he talks about it, it actually sounds fun.

The door opens up and Rusty suddenly stands up. A big orc enters the room, taking off his coat and hat. He’s wearing glasses and his hair is neatly tied in a bun with a few grey hairs in it.

‘’Morning, boss!’’ Rusty greets him energetically.

‘’Good morning’’ the orc answers. ‘’Is that a friend of yours’’ he points at me.

‘’Oh! Ummm…’’ he fiddles with his fingers and his tail moves back and forth. ‘’He helped me with an accident I had this morning, and he's also a client, and the weather is cold outside-’’

‘’Mmh?’’ the orc mumbles before disappearing behind a door near the counter.

‘’I need to go. If you need anything else just call for me, okay?’’ Rusty tells me. I nod and he disappears behind the door. Fifteen minutes later and a few other employees have arrived as well; a human girl, another orc, a fairy, and a black moth. Everyone enters the room and they come out wearing an apron, with the same fabric Rusty was carrying this morning. The human girl walks towards the door and turns the sign so it can read OPEN from the outside.

The shop is filled no time, and before I could blink there’s already a long line behind the counter. Teenagers, business people wearing expensive suits, and young students that look my age. All of them eager to get their dose of caffeine or sweetness for the day. Some look grumpy, others look sleepy, and others are too busy looking into their phones to pay much attention until they reach the counter.

Aaron enters the shop with a huge smile on his face. I check my phone, 10 am, he’s a lot earlier than usual so this must be important. He sits in front of me and puts a newspaper on the table.

‘’Check. Out. This!’’ he yells while slapping his hand against the newspaper.

‘’Good morning Ron. I don’t know if you realize that I can’t read whatever is that you’re trying to show me if you keep slamming it’’

‘’Oh, sorry’’ he laughs and hands it to me. He points to where he wants me to put my attention on. It’s a small column talking about the newest dating app; OkCryptid. Who hasn’t heard of it? But this isn’t a critic glorifying it like most I’ve seen, instead, they focus on the current polemic surrounding the quote-on-quote; _misuse_ of it. The article itself is almost hidden between the ads for products and the other big news, it’s possible that the media doesn’t want to make a big deal about it.

‘’What about this?’’ I ask him.

‘’Don’t you remember that we have been discussing the idea of taking this issue in our blog?’’

We do have talked about it, that’s the whole point of the blog in the first place.

Aaron and I meet in the university and kind of became best friends in a year. Somehow we decide to start a small online blog just for fun, we never imagine someone else would actually read it, we even use nicknames so we didn’t have to use our real names if one day we became ‘ _famous’_. It was just a fun distraction to us, nothing more. Until the last year when the popularity of it has skyrocketed due to the controversial content we often wrote about.

We mainly write and discuss issues that most mass-media can’t because of the fear of losing the audience and keeping it family-friendly. I’ve always had an issue of how racist many other humans can be with the other magical and non-human creatures, so I based my first public critic on _racism in the society of today_ and somehow it became viral from one week to another to this day. We have little to no filters, always speaking with the truth, keeping the anonymity of our sources, and checking twice for veracity.

To be honest, this blog has a big space in my heart. It helps me feel as I can change the world even if just a little. I talk online with other people who shared the same vision as us, we have joined in online campaigns and call outs, and we have made live streams with people who want to be heard about some of their experiences. I remember when the video of the manager of a restaurant yelling to his employee became viral, obviously I cover the news and spread it online, and it even came to the daily news. Funny enough, it turns out my cousin meet this guy that day and they got engaged this spring.

Sometimes I receive e-mails from people who need to talk to someone who isn’t closedminded, sometimes I receive e-mails telling me how much of a dirtbag I am for defending monsters, a little from everything. But that never let me down… no, that wasn’t what started to affect me.

‘’Well’’ Aaron continues. ‘’The app was very well received and, as some of the users assure, it’s very effective. The problem comes when you consider it also has also a huge amount of complaints. The app used to be an Only Cryptids Use and somehow on the way they decide to open it for us too. But there was a problem; many humans started using it to make pranks, or only to quickies or get one-night-stands with a monster 'just for the experience'. The community was obviously enraged and is still an issue for them. And for that, I can't blame them either’’

‘’I think that’s an issue that could perfectly happen with any other dating app'' I take a sip from my expresso. ''But I get your point; it used to be a safe place for them and, as always with humans, we ruin it’’ I drank the last of my coffee and started eating one of the cookies. ‘’So, how do you want to do this?’’

Aaron smirked. ‘’Speaking of that, I was thinking of doing something else besides a simple critic to either of the parts’’

‘’What do you mean?’’ I ask. He extends his hand out for me.

‘’Give me your phone for a minute, would you?’’. I glare at him but I gave it to him anyway.

The scary thing about Aaron is that you cannot always know what he is going to do. He’s great at writing and interviewing people, but he can do some extreme stuff in order to get info or a good story. Luckily he has never done anything that has made me question his morals. Not yet at least.

I take a deep breath and turn around to give the shop a quick look. Most of the tables are taken and the counter is line free. The human girl and the black moth are taking orders and delivering them to the other tables while Rusty and the other orc work behind the counter. For a second I thought I saw Rusty looking at us but he quickly turned away. Maybe he noticed I’ve finished my coffee.

‘’Done! Here, you can have your phone back’’ I grab it and I can see the logo of the OkCryptid app filling the screen of my phone along with a small bar under the text of loading.

‘’Huh?’’ Aaron laughs at my reaction.

‘’Didn’t you tell me once that you cannot write a valuable opinion without a good argument? And that the only way to get one is through investigation and experience?’’ he says with a smirk.

He can’t be serious. He’s asking me to get a date through the app so I can write the article?! That’s nothing but unnecessary and pointless. I can have all the information I want from other people’s experiences and other sources. Not to mention that right now, the last thing I can worry about is on getting a date. I can barely take care of myself there’s no way I can date anyone at this point.

‘’What if I take your statement first? You met your partner through it right?’’ I ask.

‘’Yeah, but I don’t think I can explain well the experience with words’’ he says trying to dismiss my idea.

‘’If I know you well, and I do, I’d just say that you want me to get a date’’

‘’And you won’t be entirely wrong’’ he laughs. ‘’But seriously, as your best friend, it kills me to see you this down all the time. You no longer go out with me or the others, you’re barely eating decent food, and you barely sleep! Even when you do, you oversleep until I call you for work or just to check on you. Your life always goes for extremes, this isn’t healthy for you’’

‘’Another person in my life won’t change that, Ron’’ I glare.

‘’I’m not saying that getting a date would cure you, Ash. But it may help you somehow if you met the right one. You can’t be serious if you think that just following the same routine until you die will change your mood, do you? why don’t you try focusing on something else? On _someone_ else’’

Before I can argue a little more with Aaron, Rusty appears and takes away my empty cup. He stops and stares at the table, I look down and I see that the app is ready and it shows the start menu. I grab my phone and put it back in my pocket. That was truly embarrassing. Hopefully, he won’t think I’m a creep that only helped him because I’m looking for a monster to date. His ears are up again and twitch a little before getting back at his senses.

‘’Are you two going to order something else?’’ he asks in a polite tone.

‘’I want a Latte and a croissant with ham and cheese please’’ Aaron orders.

‘’Another expresso and the same croissant as him’’ I order.

‘’I’ll be right back!’’ he smiles at us despite the awkward moment. I follow him with my eyes and Aaron smirks at me. He takes back the newspaper and folds it inside his case. He leans closer, knitting his finger together in front of his face and staring directly at me.

‘’So… what are you going to do?’’


	2. Coincidences

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ash keeps meeting with Rusty, suspicious about where are these coincidences coming from, but open to give them a chance.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been so long...

*tic*, *tac*. *tic*, *tac*.

I don’t remember when or why did I bought a wall clock in the first place. I have my phone and my laptop, I don’t need a wall clock. Yet, there it is, keeping me aware of how long have I been awake in the morning. A constant reminder of my reality.

I’m laying on top of my messy bed; the sheets stink and there’s still clothes on top of it, some clean and the rest need a good wash. I should stop eating in my bed without a tablecloth, I need to buy new sheets and maybe a new pillow… if my wallet allows me, of course.

My phone alarm has rung twice now, first at 6 am and then at 7 am. I have an alarm for each hour of the day, it can be a little annoying sometimes but is the only way I can keep track of how much time has passed since I’m the kind of guy that can write for hours until he falls asleep on his desk.

The third alarm rings; 8 am already. I check if I have any message from Aaron or any new e-mails… I have nothing, thank Gods! I’m still a little mad at him for what happened yesterday, but what makes me even angrier was the fact that I agreed with it for some reason.

‘’Let me get this straight. You want me to make an article about how the non-cryptids have ruined the app by doing the same?!’’ I yelled at him, but luckily there was too much noise in the shop for me to be heard. Aaron keeps glaring at me, he’s not saying anything but I know he’s no pleased.

‘’No. That’s not it’’ he clarified. ‘’I want you to make the article, that’s true, and I believe you have high morals, I mean, you must have if the first thing you critic about others is their hypocrisy’’ He puts out a couple of cigarettes, you cannot smoke inside here but he does this as a form of telling me; _I have important things to do, so we better finish this argument._ ‘’To me, this is a _''two-birds-one-stone''_ situation, you get to write the article from a reliable source of information, that being your own experience, while also getting the chance to maybe meet somebody. Someone who could take care of you…’’

I look down at my hands, unsure of what to do. But the more I think of it, this seemed to be a bad idea. I won’t deny that I’ve felt lonely and the idea of waking up with someone beside you would be nice, but- My life is a constant contradiction between wanting something and finding all the reasons why I can’t or shouldn’t have it, this being the main reason why I can’t do much progress along with the fact that I don’t find the motivation to do it.

Aaron’s right, I should stop making excuses over and over but… Am I ready and prepared to meet someone?

‘’Aaron, I can only think of the mess I am now, how I’m not good enough for anything or anyone’’ I sigh. ‘’All my sentences start with ‘me’ and then ‘me’, nothing else. I’m a fucking selfish and egoistic person… Tell me, Aaron, what kind of _good relationship_ I can offer?’’

I can see him shrug, trying to find other words to explain himself or maybe trying to convince me with a better argument since his previous one was not working.

‘’Maybe you should stop thinking, you know. Turn your brain off for a couple of days and just let life do what it does best, flow! Leave the rest to others without worrying too much about the details and allow yourself to enjoy things as they are. I don’t want to force you, it was just an idea that came to my mind. Whatever happens, I can only hope for it to be a change for you, a good one if possible’’

Now it was my turn to stay silent. Aaron really is… a good friend. My only friend so far.

‘’I’ll…’’ the words got stuck in my throat for a second. ‘’…try it’’

Aaron's expression changed from troubled, to a satisfied one. He grabbed his bag and put the cigarettes in his pocket, he stood up and I did the same to shake his hand, he whispered in my ear _I’m counting on you_ before giving me a big hug and leaving the shop.

I sat back and pull out my phone, getting busy filling the beginner's test and my profile. Once I’m done, I pick one of the photos from last year’s eve, I haven’t changed much and is the only decent one I have so I don’t think there’s much difference. Rusty appeared once again ready to take away my empty cup, although instead of leaving he looks at me as if he wants to say something but no words came out of his mouth. I paid for the coffee at the counter and went to my apartment as soon as possible.

I could have blamed Aaron for that awkwardness but that wouldn’t be fair. Besides, I said that I would _try_ to do it. He’s a good friend, the only one I have and for a very good reason. I already feel tired of complaining in my head, instead, I tried to think about what I should do now.

‘’I could go to get groceries for once’’ I say to myself. ‘’Some instant noodles, something on a can, and some veggies so I won’t die. Maybe a treat would be good, like a small piece of chocolate cake’’ I look at the bathroom door. ‘’And some lightbulbs’’

I tried to get up but gravity is heavier today it seems, my body feels as I had concrete for dinner last night. I roll out of the bed, carefully so I don’t fall into the floor and hit my face. First putting my feet on the ground and slowly crawling my way out. My muscles hurt and my chest feels heavy, I don’t understand why though. I don’t smoke or drink to have this kind of pain, although I’m not the healthiest person either. Since I spend most days inside my room and sitting in front of my laptop I don’t notice the changes in me so often.

After getting a hot shower and putting myself together, I manage to get out of my apartment and walk to the grocery store with the constant feeling of pain in my chest. I like to go here early in the morning so the place is almost empty and I can walk through the aisles with ease. I grab a tiny basket since I’m not going to buy much and went straight to the canned goods aisle.

Maybe I should get something else or try to but some fresh veggies instead of can ones, do something for my health for once. I rarely check my fridge so fresh stuff often goes bad before I can finish eating it. Now that I think about it, I should clean that too. I make a small mental note about cleaning the fridge, hopefully, I won’t forget it.

When I turn to leave I accidentally crash against someone and we both fell into our asses. The cans I had in my basket roll all over the floor but luckily none of them were open with the impact.

‘’Sorry, I wasn’t looking where I was going-’’ I try to apologize to the person I crashed with, but I immediately recognize a particular pair of long ears.

It was such a surprise to see him wearing casual clothing; a flannel in shades of grey that made his bright orange fur contrast, casual old but clean jeans, and a pair of black sneakers with cords of different colors. Even more surprising was to see someone else this early in the morning, considering the only other people here is the guy on the register and the one who mops the floor.

‘’Ash?’’ Rusty asks me, offering me his hand and helping me stand back up. ‘’It really is you! I think this is another coincidence’’’ he laughs.

‘’It is a coincidence. Two days in a row? I feel as I were inside a movie or something of the sort’’ I try to joke but no smile comes to my face. He doesn’t seem to be bothered by it though.

‘’It’s better to come here when there are not many people around. So I can avoid situations like, well, what happened in the train’’ he tries to explain.

I swallow nervously. It’s not that weird to consider that he may have experienced the same treatment in other places, there’s still a lot of people who questions the inclusion of non-humans, also this part of the city is slowly warming up to them too. I clench my fist, I can’t help but be angry even though is none of my business. Not yet, at least.

He smiles and shakes his head. ‘’Will it be okay if I join you?’’

I was thinking of fetching my stuff and just leave, maybe clean my room a little but the Gods know I won’t be doing that today either. Besides, I do feel a little sorry for leaving before saying goodbye the other day. I knew he was busy and thought he wouldn’t care if we saw again, but it appears that the universe is pulling the strings for me. Maybe I should take Aaron’s advice and let life do its thing?

I tag along in his shopping routine. He picks a good amount of packages in the meat section but also a lot of vegetables and different kinds of spices. He mentions while doing so that he learned to cook spicy from his family and that he loved to put as much seasoning as possible in his dishes. I declare myself a complete ignorant on the matter but he is kind enough to illustrate me and also give me some tips on how to get more flavor with them.

To my horror, I have to admit that he’s a sweet and caring guy, like a fluffy cinnamon roll. There’s something in the way he looks at things that remind me of my old self; always eager and enchanted by the little things in life, always wanting to climb higher and explore new things, nothing matter back then only what the heart tells you. I can help but want to smile at the memory, but it’s soon drowned by the voice on the back of my head.

 _‘’What happens to me?’’_ That voice starts making echo inside my head _. ‘’Why? I was normal before, I had everything I even wanted and still… Why am I like this? Why am I so selfish-‘’_

‘’Ash?’’ I feel his hand on my shoulder and I’m brought back again to reality. I close my eyes and take five long breathes, trying to focus on the present as I try to push the anxiety out of my mind. That little voice that’s like a parasite in my head, eating my thoughts, and feeding on my self-esteem, a daily war with myself.

I breathe in _; I’m standing in front of the baking aisle, holding a basket full of cans, and alongside a very cute and attractive rakshasa who was so nice to tell me that rosemary goes well with meats._ And breathe out. 

Rusty looks a little concerned but I shake my head and finally smile at him. Inside I feel a little proud of myself for being able to focus, last time I got lost in my senses I had to go back home and come back another day. Maybe it is a good idea to buy that piece of cake after all.

I appreciate that he doesn’t ask me if _I’m okay_ , I prefer to just move on instead of giving it more attention to these 'episodes'. The more we make small talk I found myself being more receptive to what he’s saying, other people’s words seem to just go through me without resonating, but his words are somehow different. Or maybe is it me?

He stops in to grab some pizza dough and I grab the slice of cake I’ll be eating in the evening.

‘’ I wanted to ask you…’’ he suddenly changes the subject. ‘’Well, I don’t mean to mingle were I’m not called but- were you alright yesterday?’’

‘’What do you mean?’’ I ask confused by his choice of words.

‘’I mean, you looked so angry. So I figured your boyfriend must have made you mad, and then he just left you by yourself so-‘’ I snorted, followed by a constant laugh that I had to cover with my hand trying not to make too much echo in the empty aisles. 

‘’I’m sorry- I just-‘’ it takes me five minutes to stop laughing. ‘’Aaron is my friend and he helps me with my work, he has a partner of his own but that's not me’’

Rusty’s ears twitch and his tail wags behind him. ‘’I see, sorry for misunderstanding’’ he giggles nervously. ‘’That explains why you were interested in the dating app…’’

I froze. So he did saw, and now this has become even more awkward than before, or it could be the same awkwardness that came back to torment me. I wanted to run away but I knew I was slow and would probably faint in the way to my apartment. 

‘’I- I, umm… I have a profile in there too’’ he admits, his ears twitching erratically. ‘’I mean, I thought it’ll be a good idea at least to meet other non-humans aside from the guys at work. Not that I don’t know people! Oh. What I’m trying to say is… Oh shit-’’

I wanted to laugh, not to mock him but it was kind of hilarious how expressive he could be. I actually enjoyed seeing him getting this flustered. ‘’Go on’’ I try to coax him. Happy that I was no longer the focus of the attention.

He took a deep breath. ‘’Will you be interested in going on a date with me?’’

For a second I think every cell in my body forgot what oxygen was and stopped working. My heart, my brain, my lungs, and my muscles all stopped working and I felt as I was on the Matrix and the program started glitching. I was expecting to wake up in a hospital bed connected to a hundred cables around me and a doctor on the side congratulating me from waking up. Does that sound too surreal? Well, _this_ is more surreal than anything!

‘’Sorry’’ I scratched my eyes with the sudden headache that hit me. ‘’Can you say that again, I think I heard it wrong’’

‘’It’s okay if don’t want to but- since I saw you were on OkCryptid I thought maybe… Uhm? I don’t know what I was thinking, to be honest’’ he laughs nervously. ''But, I don't know why. Maybe it was because you helped me on the train, or maybe because I think you're cute. I can't explain why but you're captivating to me. I would like to get to know you better, listen more to what you have to say''

Cute? who, me? That was something odd to say. I know I'm nothing special when it comes to looks; skinny, pale, dark circles under my eyes just to show how tired I feel every day, I wouldn't be the first or second option to anybody. And I sort of came to accept it, it bothered me before since nobody took me seriously, but since I work under anonymity I don't have to care about how people react to my looks, they come to read what I have to say. Nothing more.

I felt a shiver running down my spine as if sensing something bad was going to happen. This was odd. Too odd. Not only I’ve been doing better this couple of days if I don’t pay attention to my heartaches, but somehow I’ve managed to keep meeting with him no matter where I go. A chance to go on a date with a young and handsome rakshasa, who not only has the cutest ears and eyes I’ve ever seen but doesn’t seem to mind my usual apathetic attitude? I feel like I’m walking into a trap, this looks way too good to be the truth.

The usual voice in the back of my head resonates, not as clear as before but making enough echo to know what it's saying. I can feel the shiver of another small panic attack wanting to take over my body at the prospect of saying yes, the fear of making the wrong decision or worse, making him see how much of a disaster I am. I can feel it, making me shiver a little more...

However…

‘’Sure, I’m down for it’’ I say, feeling victorious. The voice on the back of my thoughts being pushed at my quick reaction, no matter what they say there's little to do now that I accepted. So screw you, anxiety! If I know myself, or at least I believe I do, and I’m not so foolish to waste the few good chances I have in my life. Whenever it’ll end up going smoothly or end up in a tragicomedy, that's something my future self will have to deal with. 

Rusty’s tail and ears flicker in excitement, I could swear I saw a dim glimmer in his eyes when he heard me. He quickly pulls out his phone and opens the app quickly searching for my profile. ‘’I promise a coworker I’ll help them with cleaning today afternoon but I can text you in the evening during my break!’’

I can’t help but give him a small smile at his excitement, it’s very contagious since he’s pretty adorable. We pay for our stuff and we part ways quickly, apparently, Rusty was running a little late and got lost in time with our conversation. I walk without a rush to my place, my thoughts being occupied in planning how should I prepared for our future date; what should I wear? Where should we go? Should I buy him a present or that would be too cheesy? These questions used to make spiral into confusion and worry, but now I’ve learned to use them as a way to deal with scenarios I’m not entirely sure how will turn out.

I throw the phone to my bed, which I know is the only place I would remember I left it in, and go ahead with putting the groceries on its place, some normal and common movement helps me put aside my thoughts for a while, although other times I can only amplify those thoughts. I find some sort of pleasure when everything falls into its right place, reminding me the other side of my routine spectrum; extremely organized and capable of performing tasks until finishing them, or, extremely messy, forgetful of simplest things, and failing to do the basics of any normal person in society.

Many times I’ve felt like Sisyphus, carrying a great weight to its highest just to go downfall once again. My weight is my incapability to remain stable or maybe the struggle to keep any form of it, and the weight seems to be getting only bigger over the years, or is it me the one who’s growing tired? I can’t really tell.

I do my best to clean the place too, at least the dishes and changing the light in the bathroom, both actions giving me great joy after doing them successfully, the feeling of normativity returning to my body and mind, like feeling the ground after being hanging on a tree for long enough.

I sit on my desk and open my laptop, the Word archive still open from where I had left it last time I turn it on. I had already made an introduction for the OkCryptid app, a brief but accurate description that only occupied a page in case someone didn’t know what we were talking about, something obligatory in every kind of critic. Now, I just needed to start with the body of the text, but for that…

‘’How am I going to do this? What points do I want to prove in the first place?’’ I ask myself. ‘’A safe place for cryptids suddenly morphing into a platform of unsureness and lies? That sounds like a good title!’’ I pat my shoulder, inspiration filling me in as well a hint of excitement. I was already feeling a bit bitter, this could be the chance to get that frustration out. This could have consequences with the owners of the application, however, I’m only using my right to freedom of speech. If anything goes to the legal side, as it has before, I can always trust Aaron to deal with it successfully.

The words came out easily;

I received a text from Aaron about how he got an interview with a selkie girl who used to use frequently the app but end up in a terrible incident. He sent me extra audio in which the girl talked about how she met this guy on the app and things were super easy at first but when she had to move out of college he stole her seal skin for over a week until the police came. A good interview always makes it more believable even if the person decides to go anonymously. Finally, something to put my head on for good use.

* * *

Hours pass easily, there’s nothing else that can be heard besides my clock and the gentle tapping of my keyboard, and the world slowly starts to disappear the more I let my imagination flow like a wild river. It is in these moments when I truly feel what being me is like if that makes sense at all. In this moments when I’m working on a new story to tell the people who follow me is when I find beautify despite my terrible appearance or personality, I come to admire how words come together creating a harmonious symphony for the mind of the lector, from one mind to another I’m able to trigger their imagination by only using words. Ah, that’s right. This is what being connected to someone means to me; to share a feeling or a thought even if it only lasted for a couple of seconds, something I can hardly get meeting someone through traditional methods.

Is that true though? I wonder, leaning against my chair and looking at the ceiling of my room. I know Aaron and I are friends, although we hardly see each other if not to discuss topics of interest for the blog. When was the last time he told me how he was? When was the last time I asked him if he was okay? Guilt starts flooding me so I push the thought aside, but I find it impossible. Like a lightning bolt striking my brain.

‘’Does that mean that the same will happen with Rusty?’’ I even say out loud despite being completely alone.

Rusty and I met due to mere casualties, I can even stretch an excuse by saying it was merely fate, or I can call him an unwilling stalker that accidentally follows me to most places. But it has been me who has kept him beside me, asking more about him, wanting to know more about the kind of world he lives in. Do we have things in common, at all?

I frown and cross my arms, uncertain of the nature of my thoughts, slowly growing more and more annoyed at myself. It is the same kind of discomfort it begins when you realize you aren’t sure about things as you thought you were, crumbling the little control you had in a possibility of a near-future you were able to picture.

I take deep breathes and sit up, stretching before deciding on turning my laptop off and going to bed. My phone rings just as I’m about to leave it to charge, it’s a message from Rusty.

>Will tomorrow at lunchtime be good for our date? There will be a special sale on warm drinks with croissants on the side at the coffee shop if you’re interested. If not, we can go somewhere else.

I smile, almost hearing his awkward tone of voice and how his whiskers move whenever he’s nervous. I type back quickly, not needing to think much of my answer already.

>The café would be good. I’ve come to enjoy the coffee there.

>Around eight-thirty will be okay? or is it too late?

>I prefer nine, I often fall asleep in the evening so I woke up around that time.

>Perfect! I can’t wait to see you again.

He could be so sweet too. I find myself smiling at the screen like a kid at a toy, and before I notice I want to see him again just as badly. Was that selfish of me? Was it okay to be this excited about someone? 

* * *

The day came and I did my best to look as presentable as possible. I took the _special clothes_ , which are the only decent ones I have that aren’t stained, plus a leather jacket my mother sent me as a gift three years ago, and a plaid scarf. I tried to smile in front of the mirror but just couldn’t stand it, I looked stupid doing so but didn’t worry much about it since I figured once I saw him again I’ll be able to smile again.

I found him standing in front of the coffee shop, looking as his phone and putting it back to his pocket, just so he would take it out again. His ears were pressed against his head, he looked nervous and almost scared. I thought about showing up suddenly but that could surprise him too much, the thought of his tail all fluff-up like a scary cat made me giggle but it could ruin the mood. Instead, I crossed the street so he could see me approaching him from afar, giving him enough time to adjust his clothes and calm himself. I was a little nervous too but my apathy hid it all too well, even the little joy I felt to see him again.

‘’Hi!’’ he greets me cheerfully, tail wagging furiously.

‘’Good evening, although it should be night soon’’ I manage to pull out a soft smile that felt sincere. For a moment I’m not sure if I should shake his hand, hug him, or kiss him on the cheek. I’m pretty sure he didn’t know what to do either so I opened the door for him. ‘’After you’’ I said and he gave me the sweetest smile yet.

We sat on a booth at the back, just under a curtain of fake ivy and far away for people at the counter to block us from sight without paying much attention to us. He waited for me to take my scarf off and put aside before handing me my menu. He had mentioned that the chocolate croissant could be nice and the cold water was making me crave some sugary sweetness. To my surprise, the big orc with glasses wasn’t behind the counter but serving drinks instead while the moth guy took over attending the clients. He brought our drinks without saying a word but noticed he winked at Rusty before leaving the table, making him shiver and causing his ears to fall a little.

As I look into my dark expresso I tried to think of something to start some casual conversation. ‘’Do you like working here?’’ It was simple, although, a little dumb too. If he didn’t like it he wouldn’t be working here. That would be the case, unless... there were other circumstances keeping him here. 

‘’I do!'' he answers me with joy and I feel relieved. ''I use to work as a barista in a bar during the day but-‘’ he got quiet, his eyes looked lost for a second and he shook his head. ‘’My boss and coworkers are nice, the clients are kind too or maybe too hurried to get their coffee to care. It’s nice!’’

‘’That’s good’’ was all I could answer. I felt an overwhelming sense of unfamiliarity inside me, totally aware that I wanted to know what that sad expression truly meant but conflicted by the fact that I cared a little too much. Should I push the issue? I knew I shouldn’t, it wasn’t my issue to begin with, and we were here to have a good time, not remember bad experiences. Then again, wasn't that what I should be doing for the article? Still, it wasn't right for me to ask. It would be too rude. Too weird. Too- ‘’Did something happen in your past job?’’

Damn it!

Do I no longer have control over my thoughts?! or my tongue?! I fear my curiosity about Rusty has got too big for my own good. 

But instead of shaking his head or keeping silent, Rusty smiled. A small and almost none visible one but I was sure it was there, did he felt relieved that I had asked? That would be the first time I’ve seen something like this. He put his cappuccino aside and knitted his fingers on the table.

‘’I love what I do, don’t get me wrong. I worked hard in part-time jobs for a year to save enough money to pay for the courses. From toasting grains and tea leaves, to make latte art, I learned so much and was always eager and excited whenever a client came asking for a coffee! It was more than I expected’’ he sighed dreamily.

‘’But?’’ the word came out more as if I was trying to hurry him to finish.

‘’Well, at first my boss at the time was happy that I had attracted so many clients to the business. Clients that would often come back. But then he started hiring new people, and they weren’t too-‘’

‘’Acceptant?’’ Rusty nodded, his lips pressed into a firm line.

‘’My boss begged me to stay, especially since many of the people came asking for me since I would often engage in friendly talks, but I just couldn’t handle it for too long’’ they looked at my hands and grabbed my hand. ‘’You don’t need to get angry, it was a long time ago’’

I didn’t notice the knuckles in my hand had turn white, or that I was clenching my teeth, or that I was frowning. Only when I felt his leathery hand on top of mine I realized it and let my body relax once again. ‘’Sorry’’

‘’No, it’s fine’’ he rubbed his thumb to the top of my hand. ‘’I guess that’s what I like about you. You don’t look at me like the others, and you take action. You don’t just stay looking when someone needs your attention’’

I couldn’t smile, or say that I was grateful for his compliment. I couldn’t say much, I knew that I was no better than anybody else. Despite my blog having a good audience that was getting bigger with the weeks, despite being able to write what many wanted to say or even scream but not having the ways to, and even despite having help Rusty in the subway that morning. I knew that it didn’t matter much now, I was a bystander for too long and it took me long enough to realize the unfairness of it. Was it because I was scared that I was going to be targeted? Or was it because I never cared in the first place? That thought scared me the most.

‘’I’m no better than anyone else, Rusty'' I pulled my hand from his touch. ''I like to play being a superhero with words, maybe even earning a few friends thanks to favors and call-outs, but nothing else. I’m plain, boring, apathetic. I live like a hermit if you don’t count that I use the subway or go to buy groceries, I can barely take care of myself let alone take care of a cactus, believe me, I tired'' I laughed, but it was a sarcastic, painful one. ''That’s what I am... not a hero, not an artist, not even a capable member for a future or better society... I'm just a guy that feels guilty’’

I need to be honest with him, he deserves to know the truth about me. Or that’s what I tried to convince myself to, even though, deep inside, I knew I just self-sabotaged myself...again. I looked to my now empty cup, small traces of coffee in it, and the flavor still lingering in my mouth along with the bitterness of my own words. I was still trying to play the hero now, sacrificing my happy moments if it means that he'll be safe. Safe from what, goddammit?! Have I been living in a fantasy? These aren't ancient times of heroes and villains, the true battles are the ones you have during a meeting or a conference. Still... why does the thought of it, sounding so casual and even pathetic, makes me shiver in fear?

I couldn’t look at him, I knew I had ruined the mood but he put his hand on top of mine, warm, gentle, and somehow comforting. He didn’t said anything, or move, or asked for some sort of explanation. He just let me say what I wanted to say no matter how unpleasant that was. Maybe he used to listen to people complaining? That couldn’t be a good thing no matter how you could look at it, or maybe he was just that kind of a person. _Kind, gentle, caring._

When I looked up at him he was still smiling so comfortingly at me, the kind of expression you see in someone you love while they whisper; ''it's going to be okay''. He made a gesture to the orc to bring us the bill and to pack the untouched croissants I had ordered, giving it back after a couple of minutes in a miniature cake box. We left the coffee shop without saying anything else, Rusty guided me outside without letting go of my hand.

I wanted to break the silence because it was making me feel so guilty and unsure. Did I mess up so bad? Did he take me out of the café so we wouldn’t cause a scene? All the worst possibilities came to my mind, the worry was eating me from the inside like a deadly parasite. Only when Rusty spoke again I could snap out of my thoughts.

‘’Ash’’ he grabbed my sleeve, his gaze was serious but I noticed a hint of nervousness seeing his ears flat. ‘’Can I go to your place?’’


	3. Fainting

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Despite that awful first date, Rusty still wants to give Ash the chance he so desperately tries to avoid, however, both of them are bidding information from one another, and the truth can be both relieving and hurtful depending on the context.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The final chapter and the end of this story! These characters are so close to my heart I'm so glad I was finally able to give them closure.

''Can I go to your place?'' He asked me so effortlessly, so casual, and so normal. Does he even notice how crazy that sounds? The size of the panic attack I felt coming to my mind just with those words?!

''Rusty'' I said as I rubbed my left arm, something I often do to calm my nerves, slightly pinching the little fat I have through my clothing to keep me in touch with the moment. ''Do you realize what you just said?''

''I do'' he answered firmly. There was no longer a trace of his usual shyness, his tail or ears no longer moved erratically, and neither his eyes seemed the same as before. Since when has he been this confident? He seemed like a different person, yet, I knew he was the same clumsy rakshasa I met on the train. I had the impulse to jump when I felt his hand taking mine, but I didn't. Maybe because part of me was relieved he was taking control of the situation.

He pulled me slightly just so I would start walking, making our way to my home at a steady pace. In no time we reached my messy apartment; there were still clothes on the bed and desk, some groceries from yesterday I forgot to organized, and the window was still open. I started to panic trying to think what I should do first. Maybe offer him something to drink? But, we already had coffee about an hour ago. How about a clean space where to sit? They must be tired, but there's so much on the couch to move everything without taking a lot of time. There was no way he wouldn’t notice how messy it was, I wanted the ground to swallow me whole.

Luckily he didn’t comment on it, he just took off the sweater he was wearing and left it on the chair in my desk, I did the same and took off my jacket and scarf, a feeling of awkwardness too big for me to hold flooded me. Was it better to stay standing? Was it better to beside him? Should I go and bring something to eat? At that moment I regretted eating the whole slice of cake I ought, then again, we had those croissants I hadn’t touch. Rusty looked around with a smile on his face, he picked some shirts that were spread, folding them better than I ever do in just seconds, and leaving them on the bedside table before patting the space beside him for me to sit. Although I was reluctant at first, I finally took his offer and sat with him, his long tail wrapping around me loosely. 

''You don't need to be embarrassed. I'm a bit messy too when I have too many shifts together'' he laughed, but I couldn’t. ''I mean, it doesn't give me enough time between-''

''Why are you here, Rusty?'' I interrupted him, turning to see him despite knowing I was furrowing my brows despite not being angry at all, just uncomfortable. It was the second time I saw those sad, almost tearful eyes of him. The first one was on the train and it made my blood boil like never before, and just like before, there was an anger inside me boiling, only this time I was the cause of it, adding guilt to the mixture of feelings inside me.

''I think the real question here is, why do you keep pushing me away from you?'' I admired how steady his voice sounded, no change in the tone or rhythm, it was clear and firm but gentle as ever. As if his words felt like a million feathers caressing me. The feeling and the question took me by surprise. Why was I trying to push him away? Could it be that I felt ashamed? Could it be that I was afraid? I had an entire collection of negative emotions to choose from.

‘’Because-'' the words were suddenly trapped in my mouth. There were so many reasons. Oh, Rusty, I could go on and on about why you should run and stay far away from me, but I cannot find enough time to tell you everything. ''I'm not good for you. You already heard me before. You already saw me! You know I'm not good for anyone except the trashcan!... I mean, look at me!’’ I leaned back so he could look at my pitiful choice of outfit, my messy hair, and the deep dark circles under my eyes. 

He didn't say anything... he didn't give me time to wait for an answer. He grabbed me from the collar of my shirt, and for a fraction of a second I could see a new expression on his face; a frown mixed with a glare, and his eyes seemed to burn with a deep, hell-like fire. I could only saw it for a second before he pulled me towards him, our lips colliding together despite my surprise, almost as if they were meant to stay connected like this. I couldn't move, or speak, or think of anything really... I could only feel how soft his lips were, the sensation of his fangs that sent shivers down my spine, his whiskers tickling my cheeks and his eyes that never stopped looking me dreamingly. I couldn't move my body despite how much I wanted to embrace the feeling and return this wonderful gift he had given me. I wanted to hug him tight to tell him without words that I didn't want him to go! I wanted to say even more things now but I knew my mind was going to betray me! I could only feel him, hoping he would listen to the raising of my heartbeat and understand the feelings that tormented me.

He pulled away, a thin string of saliva connecting us before it broke. He giggled and I instantly thought he was laughing at me, but before that thought could sink in he rubbed my hands tenderly, it was so comforting to me I started to weep. ''You deserve so much better, Rusty. I can't give you that, I'm not worthy of your affection'' I said as tears and snout started to cover my face. He quickly spotted the box of tissues in my bookshelf and brought it to me. I didn't bother keeping them in my hands and just let them fall into the floor, one after the other, he just kept smiling at me. I didn’t deserve him, he didn't deserve to be here taking care of the mess I was. 

''Remember when I told you that you reminded me of someone?'' I nodded. I remembered that day perfectly, the day I was both blessed and condemned. ''I was half lying though. That moment, when you said those words full of emotion, so familiar to me already, I knew exactly who you were just by hearing them… You’re the one with the Anonymous Blog, am I right?’’ I froze, knowing exactly where this was going. 

Deep inside I felt a little bit disappointed. I wasn’t even surprised, it is a public place for anyone who needed it to see it, and it should have been clear to me that he might have at least heard of it, but that fact made everything seem more fake to me. Maybe he just likes how I write and was the reason why he wanted a date with me, believing I am the hero I try to pass myself for. But I am not… I could never save anyone even if I tried to.

''Rusty, that. The things I write don't mean I am- I write stuff because I cannot fight in reality, I could never stand up for anyone'' he pressed his fingers slightly to my lips, silencing me. I looked down at our hands, realizing we were lacing fingers.

''Now, that’s a huge lie. You already stood up for me once, and that alone meant a lot to me even when I hadn’t realized who you were’’ I couldn’t look up at him, but he continued. ‘’I'm not just saying this because I like your words, although I do, and I say it with no shame. But if it weren't for your work, the uncensored facts, the truths you reveal when even the police don't want to get involved, I would have believed humans didn't care for us non-humans at all. That the fear of what our ancestors could have done, or said, had ended up filling them with prejudices and made them believe and justify their cruel behavior towards us’’ He was looking at me but his gaze told me he was far, far away from this moment. ''I believe you have heard this many times before, but please, let me tell you my feelings. How alienated I felt being one of the few non-human children in a huge conservative school, how hard was to have a crush in a guy just for him to use it against me and make me feel ashamed of who I was, or how much I cried after I had to leave the job I loved because I couldn't handle the passive-aggressive attitude of my coworkers'' 

Tears fell down his beautiful eyes, so hot like lava, falling in my hands and burning more than my skin. It was true, I have heard similar things. It was part of my job while transcribing the interviews Aaron made for the blog. So why? A few days back I wouldn't have bothered in offering my hand to him in hopes it would comfort him, yet at that moment, I ached with him as if we shared the same heart. It pained me, it tore the flesh in my heart and the bones of my ribs apart so painfully. I felt it. I felt him right there, and in my selfishness, I also felt relieved. 

''So, after all, I can feel something more than fear, and confusion... I am more than just external apathy and regret'' the thought appeared in my head, and though it was relieving, it also made me feel selfish. To think about how I felt in this intimate moment shouldn’t matter, all I should have in my mind was him, and him alone. 

He brushed my tears away and kissed my eyelids. ‘’I think you’re beautiful’’ was all he said.

How does one breathe again? I didn't remember, I was too busy holding my breath to contain my shock. Just for one compliment? Yeah, that simple single sentence meant a lot to me. He pressed a kiss to my cheek, then another to my lips again, going down until he was placing soft shy kisses in my neck with so normality that it seemed we've had done this before.

A rush of insecurity hit me. My pale and fragile skin in which I could easily see my veins when I got too cold. My frail and lithe body. How my hair had gone messy since it had been such a struggle to get into the shower. But what scared me the most were the now faded scars in my arms and torso from the past, when my negative thought got the worst of me. _''What if he thinks I'm pathetic, or crazy?''_ it made sense to me to think that way, I would have reacted the same way if I were in his place. 

I was a mess, both physically and mentally. My mind was a blur most days, my words were cold and harsh, and my interactions with people were brief because I just didn’t seem to connect with anyone. I gave up a long time ago. I truly did. Then… _why_? What were you doing here, Rusty? How could you sit here, in this bed with me so calmly and so casually? How could you smile so sincerely as if you were enjoying your time with me? As if you felt so much more than pity and blind admiration for me?

‘’I can’t believe you'' I breathed, my voice coming out so painfully it sounded like a gasp. ''I don’t want to believe that you are here with me… I just can’t. Not anymore…’’

‘’Ash, look at me’’ his words brought me back to reality. Back to his bright nutty brown eyes, looking directly at my soul where my deepest emotions and fears were. My inner demons. I felt naked, vulnerable under his eyes. In the walls I have built over the years, suddenly appeared a door only for him. Why? It blissfully angered me the things he was doing to me.

He touched my hands, then my arms, slowly making their way to my shoulders. His touch was tender, it didn’t scare me as much as I thought it would, but still, I was sure I looked terrified. Tears continue flowing down my cheeks, each one more painful than the other. He licked them, his rough tongue felt strange in my thin skin but I couldn’t pull away, in fact, I got closer to him. Sobbing in a pitiful tone.

He made me look at him one last time, his gaze was caring and gentle. His hands went under my t-shirt, touching my flat belly, marked hip bones, and self-harming scars from the last years. In an act of embarrassment, I tried to cover myself but he stopped me, grabbing my hand and kissing each fingertip. We kissed, unsure, and slow at first then quickly taking a more desperate and passionate pace, tongues tangling with each other, heartbeats racing like hummingbirds, body temperature going higher than any fever. I gave up my fears and let my senses be drowned by the warmth of his body, the softness of his fur was too good to believe it.

We fell back on my bed, he was on top, once again clamming control of the situation for which I was grateful. His lips never left mine, his hands touching as much skin as they could in that position, his hot breath on my ear as he whispered sweet nothings that filled me with comfort. I wanted him to be with me, to make me forget about the world outside this room, to forget about how dark, how cruel, and judgmental people could be. I wanted to forget the darkness inside me.

Clothes hit the ground, first our shirts, then our pants, our shoes went last. Skin against skin, the friction feeding our pleasure. Moans filled our ears as well as the room, I knew his claws were going to leave marks in my skin for how hard he was holding me, and my heart didn't stop racing for hours. As much as I was in heaven, I kept feeling as if I was going to faint at any moment. I was soon out of breath, panting, and moaning non-stop, my mouth was dry despite how much I was drooling, and my toes started cramping. I didn't want to faint, I wanted to keep seeing him on top of me, feeling him inside me, kissing me as I were the most wonderful creature in the world. I didn't want to faint. I fought the feeling for as long as I could.

He fell on top of me, panting heavily, and kissing the back of my neck to calm me down. I don’t remember how long he held me, but eventually, I felt him fall asleep while he purred, and I let the urge to faint take over me, falling asleep peacefully.

I dreamed of the void, the emptiness of the space where I floated in nothingness, however, it was not as dark and cold as I remembered. Suddenly, the darkness was overflowed by light and colors I’ve never seen before. My mind felt at ease and the pain in my heart was disappearing little by little.

* * *

I woke up with Rusty’s arms around me, his head buried in my back, his whiskers tickling me. I felt light but a little bit sore, nothing new but it was the first time it meant something good. I sat up, carefully so I didn’t wake him. His ears twitched as well as his tail in their usual adorable way, he hugged the pillow I was sleeping in and his gentle breathed returned. I looked at my phone, 10 am. already. Pretty late already, it was better if I took a shower and made breakfast, some coffee would be nice too, and we didn’t have a chance to taste those croissants yesterday. The least I could do was cook some eggs and toast if he was craving something savory.

As I took my shower I could feel my head spinning, my chest was a bit tight too, tighter than other times. I pushed it away wanting to focus on the moment, my pills could wait a few minutes if I took things slowly. The hot water helped with the pain in my limbs but the vapor inside the small bathroom was making it hard to breathe, as I kept showering I heard Rusty walking around my room, he must have woke up. I was sure he could hear the shower and would assume I was in it, however, I couldn't help the shivering in my back. I finished my shower and dried my face and hair, a sense of worry wouldn’t leave my head. ''Why hasn't he call for me?'' 

I came out of the shower only wearing a shirt I found and my boxers, I didn't think I had to dress for the occasion after what happened last night. But to my terror, right after I opened the bathroom door I saw him looking at my laptop with a bunch of files open; my investigation for the OkCryptid app report as well as the detailed notes from our different interactions, the interview of the selkie girl with the assault report, and an email I got from Aaron asking how my investigation with other cryptids went. All of them were open and in plain sight, none of them were long enough to take that much time to read, and Rusty was looking at them with wide eyes.

‘’What is this?’’ he asked, his gaze fixated on the screen. I went quiet, I wasn't sure how to answer either but I knew that each second that passed with me not saying anything only made me look more guilty. I knew what he was thinking, and I couldn’t dare to say it. I couldn't believe how stupid I was, cursing me for being so messy, so careless, so fucking stupid. 

I felt the pain in my chest rise once again, taking the air from my lungs. This wasn’t supposed to happen, I should have put those files away, close all the windows before turning it off, and we could have been enjoying a wonderful breakfast. I should have hide or destroy them days ago, throwing away the damn report! But I didn’t… how was I supposed to explain this to him?

‘’Please let me explain-‘’ I tried to speak but he stood up suddenly, that same enraged expression in his face.

‘’What?!’’ his tone of voice was higher. ‘’Are you going to tell me that this isn’t yours? Because I won't buy that bullshit, Ash! So what was I supposed to think once I found about this? Oh, so what we had last night was just a way to get another five-star entry on your blog? That you only accepted to have a date with me so you could get more info? Is that all you care about?!'' the fury in his eyes was breaking my heart. ''So I am just that? Another story, a better experience, another pitiful monster that needed a shoulder to cry while you looked for someone to lay with! In any spare second in your mind that you weren’t thinking about you, did you ever thought about my feelings?''

‘’I-It’s not that! I-I…’’ I couldn't get the words out. My chest started to hurt too much for me to handle it, I started to cry both in regret and pain. I put a hand on my chest. ‘’Please… I swear-‘’

‘’I don’t want to hear you!'' He reached for his clothes and started dressing, he didn't even bother noticing he was wearing his shirt the wrong way. He was baring his sharp teeth at me but that’s didn't scare me. I grabbed his wrist in a weak attempt to stop him but he just pushed me away. The next thing I heard was a loud pitch, my head started to spin to the point I rolled my eyes back. Everything went blurry as my senses slowly gave up. The last thing I heard was Rusty calling for me right before I fell on the floor, hitting my head in the process. My eyes couldn't see anything but I could feel and hear something; I could hear an ambulance, other people’s voices, the beeping of machines and other cars. Someone was holding my hand but eventually let go of it reluctantly, leaving only a trace of its warmth in it.

''It isn’t like that, Rusty, I could throw away my laptop and my blog if it means I got to see you again. I never wanted you to take part in this project, neither did I want to create an account on the app. I only wanted Aaron to shut the fuck up and leave me alone so I could still be my gloomy and depressed self. But I made the choice, and I can't regret it. Why though? Maybe because I wanted to stop being alone and that’s why I kept meeting you. Maybe, in the back of my mind, I yearned for this beautiful experience that you so selflessly gave to me. And in the back of my heart, under all the pain, fear, anger, and loneliness… I wanted to be able to change, to be better, and be someone you might be happy to have around. Someone who could make you happy''

The blog, the app, Aaron, and Rusty. All of them, could it be that maybe they never meant anything for me since the start? Maybe I was only using them just to feed the idea of me doing something else? Of being someone else? I knew what I was… I was a selfish person, a living pile of messes put together, a horrible son who never calls his parents, and a terrible friend too. What kind of lover I could be? It made me want to laugh loud and bitter so the world could hear me.

Was this truly not my fault? I knew how this could end since the beginning, yet, I did nothing to stop it. And he was right, I did want a good entry for my blog just because it’s one of the few things I can be useful on. _You did nothing wrong_ the voice in the back of my head spoke, repeating itself over and over, feeding my ego and passing the blame on others. Sitting me in the victim seat, gently patting my head as one would do to a dog that behaved correctly.

‘’Shut up’’ I replied, as loud as my mind allowed me. ‘’I don’t want to hear you anymore, all the things you say are nothing but filthy games… I’m the one who keeps repeating them. I know them, and I know who you are!’’ I screamed into the void inside me, so black it swallowed any words that I threw at it. ‘’SO GET OUT OF MY FUCKING HEAD AND LET ME LIVE!’’

The void laughed at me. The voice laughed too. But I didn't. I ignored their cruel voices, finally tired of floating in the nothingness.

* * *

*tic*, *tac*. *tic*, *tac*

The sound was familiar though different. The first thought that popped up in my head was; ‘’that isn’t my clock’’, I had grown so used to that clock in the wall despite how annoying it was, and for the first time, I missed its familiar ticking.

I opened my eyes and everything was still blurry and way too bright for me, it hurt too much to try to see. I heard the beeping of machines and everything smelled so sterile and new, like rubbing alcohol right in my nose. I rubbed my eyes and felt a sharp pain in my chest as well as difficulty breathing, my head hurt too. Only when I tried to touch my face I noticed I had an oxygen mask.

‘’You awake?’’ a familiar voice called for me. I felt something heavy on the edge of the bed I was lying on, someone sat in it. ‘’You have any idea how crazy it is for someone to receive a phone call at ten in the morning from the hospital saying your best friend just collapsed?!’’ Aaron's voice sounded angry but also shaky, sarcastic but full of worry. Was he… crying?

I couldn’t see well so I stretched my arm to where I just heard his voice, he grabbed my hand and touched the thin scars on my forearm, some of them were close to my wrist, others were too old to notice if one does not touch them. His touch was soft but heavy. I tried to pull away when I heard him whimper once more but he kept me there, the only thing I could do was cry with him. I felt terrible, not because of the needles in my arms, or the uncomfortable mask in my face.

‘’The doctor said they wanted to leave you here in observation, it'll only be for a couple of weeks though. They said your body was too weak and fragile so your heart got tired of putting such an effort, and the hit you got in your head was the final blow for you to lose consciousness. You got a pretty bad concussion, you’re going to need lots of rest’’ he chuckled between sobs. ''You should have taken your meds, you dumbass! But I guess I shouldn't have pushed you either'' I managed to take a hold of his hand, he squeezed it tightly. I wished I could say anything but no words came out of my mouth, maybe it was better that way. ‘’You’re going to be okay, alright?’’ I gave him a small nod and squeezed his hand as hard as I could. I heard him chuckle and sob once again, letting go of my hand.

The next morning I was able to talk to my doctor; he was incredibly displeased with my condition, asking me if I did this to myself consciously or I just sucked at staying alive. Maybe it was me realizing I had reach rock bottom a long time ago, or the consciousness that I would eventually, but I told him everything; the chest pain, my terrible food choices, my terrible sleeping habits, and of course, the hunting thoughts. They ran some tests just to make sure if any organs have received mayor damage and also to see if I have any unknown condition, fortunately, I was as well as I could after what happened, just overall week and a little malnourished.

Still, I wasn't free to go just like that, the scars on my body were too alarming for the doctor to discharge me, so I had to stay in observation until the head doctor of psychiatric to a look at my case. It was easy since I had attended the same hospital for my heart problems and previous mental episodes, he just needed to read it on the report. He was surprisingly nice though, calm and easy to talk to, like a grandfather that I didn’t know I had. He put me on a mild medication after hearing my side of the story, I was a little reluctant that I had to take even more pills now, but then again, I wasn't even taking the other regularly either.

He gave me an appointment with a colleague of him, a psychologist who he recommended me, and insisted I took at least twelve sessions with them. I thanked the doctor and the people at the hospital, saying that I hope I don't have to see them again except for an obligatory appointment. The sensation of vulnerability was so new to me it felt wrong, almost painful, but I knew I would grow used to it with time, I just needed to take the right steps. 

The day I was discharged, Aaron came to pick me in his car. He was nice enough to buy me a new shirt from the thrift store and grab some food on our way back. Once we arrived at the building he seemed hesitant to let go of me, there was still that guilt in his eyes that pained me so much to see, I thought of saying _'I'm sorry'_ to him and feed to my guilt, but chose not to, instead I told him _'Thank you'_ and smiled for him, something I haven't done in so many months. Maybe he will forgive me, eventually? 

I got off the car and turned to him. ‘’You’re not going in?’’ I asked I thought he would be the last person wanting to let me alone after everything that happened. He thought about it for half a second before shaking his head, throwing me the keys of my apartment.

‘’There’s someone else waiting for you’’ he said before starting the car. I waved him goodbye, wondering what he meant by that. Did he call my parents over or something? That alone terrified me knowing it’s been over a year since I talked to them, and they had little to no idea about my condition. 

I hesitated for a minute before opening the door. Fear started to flow and overwhelmed me like a child afraid of the monster inside the closet, but I knew there was no monster inside my home. The monster was inside my head and nowhere else, and only I could let it take control. I took a deep breath and opened the door before breathing out.

A fresh and clean smell invaded my nose, like lavender and dish soap. I notice the curtains were all open as well as the windows, allowing the air to flow naturally. There were no piles of paper on the floor or the coffee table, and the floor looked so clean I almost tripped. For a moment I thought I got inside the wrong apartment until I heard a familiar sound.

*tic*, *tac*. *tic*, *tac*.

The clock I’ve hated for so long and I’ve missed for so many days could be heard from my bedroom. I sighed and laughed at the irony of how things had turned. Before I could continue with my observations, I caught another smell coming from my kitchen. It smelled sweet but also spicy and my stomach couldn’t help but growl in response, after all, hospital food was just awful.

‘’Ash?’’ I hear a voice I knew too well calling for me. Rusty came out of the kitchen wearing an apron with little paws in it and holding a wooden spoon, but as soon as he saw me he dropped it and rushed to embrace me. He hugged me so tightly it hurt but I couldn't find the strength to push him away, on the contrary, I buried my face in his neck taking his scent and the softness of his fur. He was real, he was here.

‘’Are you okay? Are you better? What did the doctor say?’’ Concern was clear on his face. He touched my cheek and tears started to flow from his eyes. I imagined my face looked more puzzled than anything but I was too damn happy he was here, I clung to him and turned into a sobbing mess.

‘’I’m so sorry…’’ he said between sobs. ‘’I never thought something like this could happen to you, but I was just so angry for what I found, I thought you were making a fool of like the others, but then you fell and-‘’ I rubbed his back, trying to calm him down and as a way to say _'It’s okay'_. I found it so silly now, the past seemed to be worth nothing at that moment, words weren't needed, and tears all too familiar were more than usual.

‘’It’s not your fault but mine. I’ve done nothing but feel pity of myself instead of doing something about it, and eventually, my heart got tired of my nonsense as well’’ I pressed a kiss to his forehead, his ear flicking in that way I love so much. ''I never thought I would see you again, not after what happened. But I don't want to think if I'm worthy of this second chance, I want to enjoy it. No more overthinking for me''

He hid and rubbed his face to my chest, damping it with his tears. It didn't bother me though. I kissed the top of his head and embraced him once more, he smelled so clean, but not like the rubbing alcohol from the hospital, he smelled like oranges and honey. He looked up to me before pulling me down, kissing me with that hidden confidence of him.

Unlike our first kiss, this was filled with another kind of want. He couldn't let go of me, and neither could I let him go away. Being with him felt special, it felt like everything right in the world, like all the happiness and beautiful things that make you love the world for how it is despite having a bad day. I never thought I could matter so much to someone, he kept giving me so much, even after what I’ve done to him; the worry, the awkwardness, the bitterness, and of course, the thing with the blog. But he was here and I was with him, and I didn't want to let go of this feeling never again.

Between heavy kisses and tight embraces, we fell into the couch like we did the night I fainted. His hands took little to no time to roam under my skin, scratching a little and making me moan, but before I could start enjoying myself I had to push him away. ‘’As much as I would love to have you this close, I still own you an explanation’’ He seemed a little frustrated, his ear falling in disappointment but he nodded and went to fetch something to drink from the kitchen.

Even though Aaron presented me with the idea, I was the one who decided to follow, yet, I knew that wasn't the issue. I told him that, even though I had found his profile on the app and I did want to write about it on the blog, the date I agree having with him wasn't a part of it. The same thoughts that were convincing me that everything was a lie, that I shouldn't even bother thinking about how he would felt, and that he only felt pity for me, were the ones who moved my hands and wrote those words. I was a huge liar, and the first one I have always fooled was myself. 

''I didn't want to believe your feelings were genuine. In my eyes, you were too good for me and the world I was living in, and I felt that I would never deserve a single word from you'' 

''Yet, we kept meeting'' he added, smiling sweetly. 

''Yeah, we did. I don't believe in fate but that was too much of a coincidence for me to ignore, and for the first time I wanted to take the chance. Believe that someone could see more of me, and maybe that I could see more than just blurry faces between the crowds. I wanted to believe I could care, and I did. I care about you, Rusty''

He leaned against me and I put my free arm around him. ''So what are we going to do now? I won't lie, I'm still a little mad and hurt for what happened before, and I'm still trying to figure my feelings for you'' he took hold of my hand. ''I had time to think too, you know. I realized that I idolized you too much and couldn't see past the person you tried to be. I thought you would be this hero who would protect me-'' 

I sighed. ''And I end up hurting you like the others’’ 

''True, but you're a person too. You have your fights and your issues, and just as it was unfair of you to not think about my feelings, I didn't think about yours too. I guess that's why I was so angry about you, I couldn't bear seeing someone I idolized so much turning into something else. Neither I wanted to suffer more humiliation for someone I liked and had shared too much with''

''Well, if I've learned something from what the doctor said in my appointments, is that there's no use feeling guilty about stuff that passed. Although, I mean to make it up to you, take you out despite not knowing much about places, maybe take things slow from now on. And if you see that this isn't what you want, that being having a relationship with me, I would love to have you as a friend. Will that be okay with you?'' 

He kissed me, quick and simple. ''Of course it is! I like you too much to let you push me away so easily!'' 

''Oh? What if I cannot help it and those awful thoughts come back again?'' I teased him.

''You will find your way back. I believe that you can, even if you don't see it, there's a lot of strength in you'' 

We fell into a comfortable silence for a couple of minutes, just being beside each other felt right, and despite the hurtful truths we said, it left a calming feeling in our hearts. We had to pull apart eventually, Rusty had made lunch after Aaron had contacted him to tell him I was going home, the two of them wanted to give me a surprise. Never before I had tasted so many spices in just one dish, it was complex and savory, the meat almost melted in my mouth, and the rice had some hints of lemongrass and star anise. He knew more about cooking than I imagined.

After that, we just stayed in my apartment talking and eating, when it was starting to get cold we cuddled in my bed and watched a movie on my laptop. We said we would take things slowly, yet, during the movie we stole too many kisses from one another. Rusty fell asleep first, purring slowly and wrapping his tail around my ankle. I turned the laptop off and left it on the bedside table so I could cover us with the blanket, but before I drifted to sleep I took a look at the clock in the wall.

It had stopped ticking, and I smiled with relief.


End file.
